Hi there

I'm debating whether or not to get back into the blogging swing of things. I was never very active on blogger anyway, but I was a very frequent xanga-er (www.call-me-woolf.xanga.com) for a long time. I guess I just got a little pickier with what I wanted the world to know about my life. Or maybe I just stopped feeling the need to say it. I dunno.  In theory, I would like to get back in the swing of things. To use this blog as a little journal of sorts; kinda a way to store my state of mind for review at a later time. We'll see. 

So I went to see Up today. Great movie, Pixar is a truly incredible company. How they manage to hit the nail on the head so frequently is something I'll never know. You should go see it. I saw the 3-D version and it was really cool, but either way is fine. It is a little duller in 3-D from the glasses, but it's very atmospheric. Either way, just see it, if for no other reason than you'll feel happier afterwards, simply because of it's charm. You might even say it's Uplifting. Of course I never would, because that's an awful pun. 

You know

I wish people would just tell you when something's up instead of beating around the bush will various confusing actions. I know it's hard, sometimes impossible depending on what's going on, but just letting me know that something is up is a start. 

Things have been kinda rough lately, but hopefully it'll all pull through nicely in the end. Hopefully.

Tired

I should probably just go to bed now, but I'm really not that tired. Well, I'm tired, but I'm not sleepy. I'd just wind up lying in bed for a while, not that that's much worse than sitting in front of a computer with little to do.

I think I need some direction. The problem I'm having now is keeping confidence in myself in the face of a constant fear of failing. I don't have a job, which means I'm not working toward getting the money to get me a vehicle to take me places. I don't have a stable education plan, which really concerns me. I need to call up MCC and make an appointment with the transfer advisor, but I haven't done it. I need to fill out my FAFSA, but I haven't done it. Heck, I need to send my Godparents a thank you card for my Christmas gift still. Everyday I wake up and think "oh, I'll do that today". I thought it today heading into the shower. I'll fill out my FAFSA. Definitely. 

Didn't do it. I didn't avoid it specifically, it just never happened. Some would argue about whether I was maybe avoiding it subconsciously perhaps, or maybe I have some deep, dark (aren't they always) underlying fear of starting my path towards a higher education, but I couldn't care less. The bottom line is still the same: I'm not getting anything done. I haven't gotten anything done since I applied to Naz. I mean, I've done awesome stuff like go on Retreat and to CrossRoads in general. Stuff that will advance my personality's future, I guess, whatever that means. But as far as stuff to get me going on life, nothing. I applied to a few jobs with no answer. I know I should take my time and not worry about it, everything will work just fine. 

But, to be quite honest, that makes it sound like I don't have to do a thing, which seems to be the exact opposite of the truth. If I just wait around for things to work out nothing will get done. Worse yet, once I decide to start getting a move on things, I'll still have all that stuff to work through, on top of whatever else I'm supposed to be doing. So I figure I really need to get a move on what I need to do now. It's just hard somedays to figure out why I'm bothering sometimes. It's not that I don't want to go to school at all. I'm pumped for college. I just wish it could happen without all the dancing. The financial aid dancing, the transportation dancing, the credit transfer dancing, the transfer dance period, I just have no patience for any of it. I'll have to develop some if I want this is happen I know, but I wish it was all simpler, I really do. 

I'm not trying to sound like I'm facing some great trial. I know this is something millions of people go through every year. But I don't think the fact that it's just accepted as the norm makes it automatically okay. The fact the we force school on people for 12 years, making some, maybe most, hate it, only to ask for them to not only return of their own free will, but to PAY for it. Pay TONS of money to re-enter a system many had dreamed of finally being finished with. In a book it would be labeled as a plot hole. No one would ever go for that, it's just too ridiculous. To not only start paying school as soon as the rest of life starts coming crashing down on you, but to have to pay more than you might ever be able to. To take out loans you'll carry with you maybe forever. It's absurd. Except without that education, you can't do what you've been toiling away at school for the last 12 years for. So it's not absurd. It's, well, intelligent. Because it's extortion. I know, I'm blowing this WAY out of proportion. I should just suck it up and deal. And that's why it's perfectly normal that I'll leave college probably at least 20,000 dollars in debt, if I'm lucky! It'll probably be closer to 30, maybe 40 thousand depending on what Naz offers me.

This. System. Sucks.

E. Gads.

It's been a while huh? I haven't written on this in probably over a year (I'm too lazy to check the date on the last post, so  correct me if I'm wrong. Unless you're too lazy to check too. either way, let's move on). I have a Xanga account which I use fairly often, but I thought I might give this one a shot since hardly anyone checks my xanga either. I just kind of feel like writing something and this is here truth be told, so I'm not sure if this will be something that happens a whole lot.

So I didn't get into Nazareth College. I applied there earlier this year, but they decided I either wasn't good enough to attend or just wasn't worth the work of putting into the system without any test scores. Honestly, I'm kinda really disappointed. I knew that this was a possibility, maybe even a likely one, but I didn't think they'd actually say no. I've still got a back up plan (getting to that in a sec), but I was really pumped to get started on college, even if I was a year late. I wanted to play Ultimate Frisbee and other sports.  I wanted to be able to use the practice rooms and hang out with other people around my age with similar interests. I thought it was really gonna rock. I suppose it still could, I was just hoping it would work out the way I planned. 

The back-up plan is this: I'll go to MCC for two semesters and rack up 30 credit hours, then request to transfer over to Naz. It's really not that bad and two semesters isn't that much. In theory it's really good because that's a year where I won't be paying nearly as much, if anything, as opposed to Naz's quite possibly huge fee. I think it'll work out alright, I was just hoping to be able to sink my teeth right into one school and not have to play this multi-college game. One other thing I plan on doing is Summer Courses at MCC. If I can take a full course-load I'll only be one semester behind come Fall and I'll only have to wait till a year from now to be at Naz. Assuming something else doesn't come up, of course. 

Oh well, maybe it'll be for the better. We'll see.